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Physical Distance from Family & Friends Leads to Solo Aging

Judith Graham, KFF Health News



“I miss having a companion who I can talk to and ask ‘How was your day?’ or ‘What do you think of what’s going on in the world?’” said Gerri Norington, 78, who lives in an apartment building for seniors on the South Side of Chicago. Although she has a loving daughter in the city, “I don’t want to be a burden to her,” she said.


Norington is part of a large but often overlooked group: the more than 16 million Americans living alone while growing old. 


This slice of the older population has significant health issues: Nearly 4 in 10 seniors living alone have vision or hearing loss, difficulty caring for themselves and living independently, problems with cognition, or other disabilities, according to a KFF analysis of 2022 census data.


If help at home isn’t available when needed — an altogether too common problem — being alone can magnify these difficulties and contribute to worsening health.


Studies find that seniors on their own are at higher risk of becoming isolated, depressed, and inactive, having accidents, and neglecting to care for themselves. As a result, they tend to be hospitalized more often and suffer earlier-than-expected deaths.

Getting medical services can be a problem, especially if older adults living alone reside in rural areas or don’t drive. Too often, experts observe, health care providers don’t ask about older adults’ living situations and are unaware of the challenges they face.


In lengthy conversations seniors expressed several common concerns: How did I end up alone at this time of life? Am I OK with that? Who can I call on for help? Who can make decisions on my behalf if I’m unable to? How long will I be able to take care of myself, and what will happen when I can’t?


This “gray revolution” in Americans’ living arrangements is fueled by longer life spans, rising rates of divorce and childlessness, smaller families, the geographic dispersion of family members, an emphasis on aging in place, and a preference for what Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, calls “intimacy at a distance” — being close to family, but not too close.


The most reliable, up-to-date data about older adults who live alone comes from the U.S.Census Bureau. According to its 2023 Current Population Survey, about 28% of people 65 and older live by themselves, including slightly fewer than 6 million men and slightly more than 10 million women.


By contrast, 1 in 10 older Americans lived on their own in 1950.


This is, first and foremost, an older women’s issue, because women outlive men and because they’re less likely to remarry after being widowed or divorced. Twenty-seven percent of women ages 65 to 74 live alone, compared with 21% of men. After age 75, an astonishing 43% of women live alone, compared with only 24% for men.


How older adults living alone are faring depends on their financial status, their housing, their networks of friends and family members, and resources in the communities where they live.


Attitudes can make a difference. Many older adults relish being independent, while others feel abandoned. It’s common for loneliness to come and go, even among people who have caring friends and family members.


Ken Elliott, a retired psychology professor, lives by himself in a house in Mount Vernon, Maine. His only living relative is a brother in California. “Aging without a mythic family support system — which everyone assumes people have — is tough for everybody,” Elliott says. 


For several years, Elliott has tried to raise the profile of solo agers among Maine policymakers and senior organizations. This began when Elliott started inquiring about resources available to older adults living by themselves, like him. How were they getting to doctor appointments? Who was helping when they came home from the hospital and needed assistance? What if they needed extra help in the home but couldn’t afford it?


To Elliott’s surprise, he found this group wasn’t on anyone’s radar, and he began advocating on solo agers’ behalf.


Now, Elliott is thinking about how to put together a team of people who can help him as he ages in place — and about how to build a stronger sense of community.


KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF — the independent source for health policy research, polling, and journalism.


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